a family reunion

yesterday was a holiday to taiwan. while the rest of the world was celebrating easter, it was "tomb sweeping day", the day where you return to your ancestral homes and visit the toms of the loved ones who passed away. being a monday, i expected the usual city bustling, but there was none. everything was quiet. i didn't go to my great-grandfather's grave. i never knew him, and have only a slight memory of being at my grandfather's house for his wake, and everyone playing mahjong. besides, my grandparents went at 5am, and that's just insanely early to be up :)

i went back to the new breakfast place i found, and this time i tried a new menu item. so the taiwanese have this omelette thing that's more like a quesadilla, except made with eggs, so more like a huevo-dilla. and at this new breakfast place, the soy milk big king, they'll add whatever toppings you like to this huevo-dilla-- cheese, bacon, bean sprouts, etc. i ordered one with a slab of pork. and got a peanut rice milk with it. sat down at one of the counters, loaded it with the spicy sauce (like tabasco, but slightly sweeter) and garlic soy sauce. did i mention this is breakfast? boy was it good. glad they're open 24 hours, so i can come anytime to satisfy a craving.

at night there was a family reunion dinner. every year on this holiday, my grandfather and his brothers (there were 8 of them, plus 3 sisters) alternate in hosting a banquet for all the descendants of my great-grandfather. my grandfather is the 3rd brother, and he hosted last year, so the 4th brother hosted this year. there were 8 tables, so around 80 people showed up-- some had more than 10, some had less than 10 people. it's amazon to see one man's legacy all in one room. and even more amazing to think of how wide each generation spanned. my dad, was somewhere in the middle of all his cousins. i'd say his oldest cousin is about 10-15 years older than he is. the youngest of his generation is around my age, maybe a bit younger. so an approximate 45 year span. of course, there were a lot of people missing. of my dad's family, i was the only one attending, which meant there were 10 missing. so i'm sure that if everyone attended, the number would have been in the hundreds, all descended from one man.

i saw a lot of people, and they all recollected about me when i was young, before immigrating to the us 25 years ago. i had no memory of any of them. there were my dad's cousins who came to visit when i was in junior high, so that they could give birth in the states. i seem to remember that they stayed with us a while-- i'll have to check with my dad. there were my dad's cousins, just a couple years older than i, who i used to play with when they lived just behind my grandparents. they mentioned that i used to sneak over to play, instead of doing school work or whatever i was supposed to be doing.

it was a bit wierd being in the room, not just because everyone knew me and i didn't know them. the other reason is that since my great-grandfather and his two eldest sons have passed, my grandfather is now the family patriarch, and thus sat at the head of the banquet. i sat next to him, and so it was wierd that everyone kept approaching our table to pay their respects.

i always thought that my grandfather and his siblings did not have a good relationship. i think it may have only been with one of the two older brothers who have passed. last night, i learned about 2 pacts that they have made, and still keep to this day. first, the annual family banquet. second, that despite cultural norms, they all agreed that they would not give, or expect red envelopes at each other's sons' weddings. that pact, made probably 50 years ago, is still being honored this year, when two months from now, one of my dad's (youngest) cousins is getting married. i also learned some family history. about how one of the brothers gave his son to another brother, who could not have a child, to raise as his own. it eventually did not work out, but the gesture is heartwarming.

what will our relationships (my siblings and i) be like 50 years from now, at my grandfather's age?